Nicholas.

We just fostered a kitten named Nicholas for 2 weeks.
It was quite the whirlwind experience, and nothing like what I expected.
So before my memories of him drift away with the winds of time, I wanted to write them down. 

This is the story of Nicholas.

One day when I was a little girl I asked my mom about my name.

Why is my first name Stephanie?
Your great grandmother's name is Stephana. We wanted to name you after her.
Ok - well why is my middle name Nicole?
And the story began....

When my mom was pregnant with me, it never crossed her mind to find out the gender until she gave birth.


When she was pregnant with my older brother she just knew it was a boy. Call it motherly instinct but she was positive about her prediction and named him Ben before he was even born.

So when she got pregnant with me shortly after, she again chose to not find out the sex.
And again, she was convinced it was a boy. She was confident that sometime in December she would give birth to a curly brown haired boy and name him Nicholas.

All throughout her pregnancy with me, she would talk to her belly and refer to it as Nicholas.

So when I was born you can imagine the shock and surprise when it was a brown haired girl!
What's neat is my mom actually had a tape recorder on during my birth. I listened to it once and although you cannot see her face, you can hear the pure shock in her voice:

"Doctor: aaand... it's a GIRL!!
Mom: Oh!? Oh!... Oh wow...she...she looks just like me! SHE looks like ME!"

Pleasantly surprised but not wanting to let go of the idea of Nicholas she held for 9 months, she made my middle name Nicole.

It was because of this story that growing up my mother always told me that I would have a Nicholas in my life. Husband, best friend, child....somehow she knew a Nicholas would show up in my life and leave a lasting imprint on my heart.

__________________




My whole life I have loved animals. I resonate with them on such a deep level.
I've always wanted to volunteer at shelters but the overwhelming sensation of grief, sadness and anger that crashes into me every time I walk into a shelter kept me away.

Flash forward to 2011. I got my first 'real job' out of college working for a large business.
I walk into my first 'real meeting' excited like Yeah! I did it! Got my business degree now I get to talk business with experienced people. Sweet.

But as I sat down in this board room a lump grew in my throat.
Maybe I'm nervous?
No, I feel prepared.

hmm....

Then about 5 minutes into the meeting my mind wandered away from the topic at hand and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Here I am in this fancy room all nice and warm, sheltered from the elements outside.

Abundance of food and clean water at my fingertips.
Talking about how we can maximize profit for an already multi billion dollar business...

All the while there are animals being tortured, homeless, neglected...all over the damn place. Probably right  down the road. And here I was doing absolutely nothing about it. 

My eyes swelled up and I was immediately questioning every choice I made in the past 5 years.

 This is not how my heart dreams of spending my days.

Ever since that day I've made more of an effort to spend my free time educating people on the importance of spay/neuter, adopting instead of shopping, and I even worked with the Humane Society of the United States on a Meatless Monday project urging school systems all over the country to not serve meat on Mondays.

And now here I am. 27 and living in the South, a part of the country notorious for animal abuse and over crowded high kill shelters. I promised myself that when I buy a house with land, it will be packed with rescue cats and dogs. I hold that word... just watch.

But again, I start to feel like there's more I can do.
Right now.
And I need to just do it.

So after Christmas I took a class at my local shelter on becoming a foster parent to homeless cats and dogs.
I work from home so I thought it would be perfect.

I had no idea that a few days after my class I would receive my first case. I thought these things took time!

When I arrived at the shelter the following Monday night to pick him up, I knew I was fostering a kitten but had no idea how many or who I would be receiving. As I walked in and told the lady I was a foster parent here to pick up a kitten she walked me into the kitten room - cages full of kittens crying and reaching their paws out through the cage. She wasn't sure which one I would be taking and she couldn't reach the shelter manager to ask her because her phone died. So I reached out to her on Facebook and within seconds a message popped up:

You will be taking home Nicholas!

This boy.
Stealin' hearts and rippin' farts.


As soon as he arrived at our apartment he was ready to play with every object in sight and snuggle on our laps when he wore himself out.

Although our 2 full grown cats were hesitant (and pissed) about him at first, it wasn't long before he won their hearts over and became one of the tribe.

I never thought that I would get so attached to an animal in just two short weeks.
I went into this understanding that it was strictly business.
Especially since I knew that at the end of my time with him, Nicholas would be going to his forever home to live his life happily ever after.

But the love we humans have for animals runs so deep.

Love is the basis of everything. Of life. And there are many types...
The love we have for our parents is one type. The love we have for our boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses is another. And the love we have for our children is completely different than those two.
All strong, passionate, and different in their own way.

But then there's the love we have for our 4 legged friends.

So strong that it can crack the hardest heart and let light shine through.
Or break your heart so deeply that you avoid animals all together out of fear of ever feeling that type of overwhelming grief again.

But it's so blissfully beautiful.
How unconditionally they love you back.
I mean, it's a love where you know they will never intentionally or accidentally hurt you or break your heart. It's the purest form of love out there....

Nicholas snuggled up close with me every night.

He ate popcorn and watched movies with me. He made me laugh so many times at how wild he would get to the point of chasing his own tail.

I hurt my back from sitting so still in my office chair while holding his fuzzy little sleeping body, head nuzzled in my neck, just so I wouldn't wake him up.

And it became a morning routine to open the dishwasher all the way as I was cleaning dishes after breakfast just so he could climb in and explore.
Every time.


One of the sweetest things about my time with Nicholas was witnessing his first look into the outside world. I perched him up on the ledge of the window and watched him go still as he felt the warm beam of bright morning sun. Then open his eyes to watch in complete astonishment a flock of birds fly overhead.

 Having lived in a cage with no windows for his whole 8 weeks of life, this was really moving to watch.
Not sure who enjoyed it more: Me or Nicholas
:)

So you can imagine the pain that overtook me this morning when we had to return him to the shelter. As I held him tight and gave him one last kiss on the whiskers, I felt my heart break into a million pieces and blanket the ground around my feet. This was my boy.

The way the tears rolled down my cheeks as I waved goodbye to his little face looking  back at mine behind the bars of a cat carrier, you would think I was at a funeral.

I don't know what this sweet boy's future holds. But I can only hope it involves lots of unconditional love and plenty of dishwashers to climb into. It would make my life to see him touch grass for the first time.

While my heart aches that I cannot keep him forever, Nicholas has been a blessing in disguise.
The shelter loved my photos of him so much, that they actually invited me to come on board as their photographer!

I started this past weekend and absolutely love every part of it. While I still get hit with heavy energy every time I walk into the shelter, as soon as I get behind the camera I'm able to let it go.
I'm doing this work to help these animals look their best and find forever homes.
Using art to make a difference. I would have never thought I would be that lucky.


And as I watched Mitch pull away to bring Nicholas to his next chapter of life, I called my mom to cry.
She said:
I always knew there'd be a Nicholas in your life....

_____________________________



Before I sign off here, there's one more interesting twist to this story.

If you're an avid reader of this online diary of mine, you might remember that this past June I wrote about my 2 year anniversary trip out in the Blue Ridge Mountains.


And you might remember this moment....

Happy: "So, what did you write?"
Me: "Change the world and Save Animals"
Happy: "Give it 6-8 months and you'll be on your way."


7 months later:

New Hampshire

The little granite state of New Hampshire nestled way up in the Northeast, will forever hold a place in my heart. A big place. It's where I morphed from a child to an adult, met some of the most amazing people, where I graduated college, and most importantly where I met my husband.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking how crazy it is that I once called that place home. Although it's only been a little over 2 years, it feels like I never lived there at all. It was the longest chapter of my life yet in hindsight, the shortest. It went by so fast- it feels like it was but a beautiful dream...

Maybe it's because my soul was born in the Midwest/South. As soon as I moved to South Carolina I instantly recognized the sounds, the smells, the weather. I felt at home again, like I picked up right where I left off back in '98 when I left Southern Indiana to move to New England.

I get jealous of people who were born and raised in one place and know exactly where their home is. People who have their entire family in one town and have a solid routine. But then, they've never experienced new places and different faces. Different landscapes, different weather, wilder sunsets, interesting animals and accents...and then the jealousy dissolves into gratitude. This gypsy life of mine, it's so full.

My week in New Hampshire was no different than my life as a whole. I spent every day in a different part of the state. Sometimes I was in the mountains eating wild blueberries and playing with dwarf ponies..

... other times I was at my brother's place near the coast visiting UNH and playing on a farm

Most of the time, though, you could find me in a quiet lake doing my favorite Summer activity:
Kayaking.

Yakin'.
When I lived up there, my family and I used to be out in the boats every single weekend. Fishing, exploring, you name it. We had fishing competitions and sat in the middle of a lake during thunderstorms. Out of all the places I've been, it's with ease that I say New Hampshire is the best place to kayak.
So many peaceful, hidden lakes.
My personal favorite is Clough State Park in Weare, NH.

Another favorite spot that's more commercialized yet still stunning is Lake Massabesic in Manchester, NH.
It's the city's water supply so you must be careful not to dip your toes in the water!
It provides classic New England views everywhere you look.

This was my first time experiencing visiting 'home' after a long period of time...you know, sleeping in your old bed, seeing your old pets... it was emotional. Yet fulfilling to look back and know I survived those crazy years of growing up. Of course, what would a visit to mom's be without going through old photos.

My mornings were spent roaming around the backyard with two cats following close behind me, collecting fresh vegetables for breakfast straight from my mom's garden in that bright New Hampshire sun.

Afternoons were spent chasing rainbows (Thanks Shane!) and going on quiet bike rides.

I even surprisingly found a moment of silence to enjoy my last sunset in town..

It was an amazing trip. Since leaving NH and now returning after a couple of years, I see that place through a totally different lens. (All pun intended)
It's beautiful. It's different. It is it's own little world that I feel lucky to have once called home.

One day I hope I'll live within driving distance of my family.
But until then, New Hampshire makes a pretty sweet Summer vacation spot.

And most importantly, to all of my friends I didn't get to see-- please accept my deepest apology. You know I'm a free spirit; it's hard to wrangle me down. I also failed miserably at estimating how much time I would need up there. Know that you always have a home in the South with a free tour guide.
And, let's be honest, you know I'll be back soon.
;)

In the meantime, I've got storms to chase and juicy peaches to eat!

Hi Carolina. I missed you.

Home, sweet temporary Home.

;)

Our New Place.

Greetings from our new apartment!!

Ahh look at that morning light.
Our new place is absolutely beautiful. Between the giant granite island in the kitchen and the hardwood floors, I feel so so lucky. It takes away all the sadness of leaving our 'first place' !

Our voices echo in here. I can't wait to invest in some wireless speakers and blast CoCo music while making dinner. Both me and Mitch also came to the realization that neither of us have ever lived somewhere with TWO full bathrooms. The concept of having 2 showers going at once is so foreign and quite frankly bizarre... I don't think we'll ever be able to take 2 showers at once...it's just weird. Seems too luxury for us lol

But speaking of luck, we weren't so lucky with the weather this weekend during our big move. Let me tell you something, moving out of a 3rd floor apartment and into a new 3rd floor apartment in 103 degree heat is NOT A GAME. YOU GUYS. I almost died a couple of times. My thighs have never been SO sore that I legitimately couldn't walk down a staircase for 24 hours. Maybe I'm a wimp? I don't know. All I know is I carried a couch up 2 flights of stairs in extreme humidity. And it sucked. But we did it. And it is so nice to lay on that pretty white couch and eat chocolate.


And check out my favorite space -- the 'Dream Room'

This is where I'll be coming at you live from the blog. It's actually the master bedroom of the apartment (attached to a ginormous closet that could easily pass as a 3rd bedroom) but I loved the 3 giant windows and spend most of my time working from home so, here it is!
This room will be filled with daydreams & photo editing--I can't wait.


Moving out of our old place was emotional. We've been watching the entire series of The Office for months now, and low and behold, our last night there was the series finale. How ironic. It was so sad and just magnified all the nostalgic emotions! While I feel a lot better now and ready to take on this new chapter of life, Saturday was rough.

As much as I love our new place, it's hard to remain optimistic when we went from living pretty much in a forest to now living right next to a main road, right over the community pool, and construction going on all around us. Check out our new view:

Such is life.


While I love the upscale feel of this apartment, I would trade it in for a quiet, rundown, 1 bathroom cottage deep in the woods ANY DAY; That's my dream. To own a small white cottage with giant windows, nestled in the forest, near a pond or a lake. I don't care if it's old & worn or new & modern. I want enough land to grow my own food and raise my own chickens. I want my cats to touch grass again. I want to see nothing but flowers & trees and hear nothing but birds & bugs.

 So there's that. My wishes in life --- written down and sent into the blogiverse ;-)
#Manifest


__________________________



So there it is!
Our second place.
I'll post more photos later on once we're all settled and unpacked.
I don't know about you, but I need a nap.



Happy Hump Day
:)

We're Moving.

.....down the road.


And I don't know why, but this move is so emotional for me!
I moved so many times growing up. Across states, cities, towns. Hell I even transferred colleges like ohh I don't know...5 times?

Each time I handled it like a champ. No sweat off my back.
But this time just feels so... different. It doesn't feel like a 'chapter' in my life is about to close, but an entire series is about to wrap. You'd think we were buying a house.

Maybe these emotions stem from the fact that this tiny apartment, once filled with cheap IKEA furniture, is now empty with a few boxes. Or maybe it's all because no matter where Mitch and I end up in life, this small space will forever be what we both think of when we look back and remember our 'first place.'

 It's been our safe haven in a part of the country we knew nothing about and no one in town. It's where we cooked our first Thanksgiving meal and decorated for our first Christmas as a new little family...

It's the floor we fell to when we laughed so hard we couldn't breathe. It's the walls we held ourselves up against after the inevitable mental breakdown from tough times in life. These walls have heard deep conversations about life, love, and the purpose of it all. Under this roof we've felt immense pain but also comfortably healed. And I'll sure never forget the nightly sunset views...

I work from home so this place has been my office. It's been my gym, my meditation studio, my movie theater, my dance hall; It's been my everything.

Whoever the next tenants are, they sure are lucky; coming into a space that's created and held so many wonderful memories. So many firsts. They will be welcomed by a heavy draft of good energy, that's for sure.
;-)

Today is our last day here and as I sit in an empty room where the sound of my typing echoes, I feel.....free. We sold all of our furniture - even Mitch's truck. And we won't be buying a lot of new stuff to replace it. For some odd reason, not having a lot of material possessions feels really, really good to me.


My intuition tells me this is a great change. I feel like I've been stalling with where I want to go in life, and now I'm about to enter the fast track...if that makes any sense.

I'm so glad I've kept up with blogging, because I can't wait to be sitting in that new place in front of the new big windows and read back on how my life used to be...

My old life in my first place.

These sure are the days.

I'll be back with the story of our moving day.
Wish us luck!